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Living from MRI to MRI - Takes Patience & Perseverance

  • Monday, 31 December 2012 16:52

Battling the grade 4 Glioblastoma Multiforme is like living from MRI to MRI. Since diagnosed 12 years ago, I’ve had over sixty MRIs. The longest time I’ve had between scans was four months (only once), but the average is one every two months. When you get questionably bad MRI news you usually get another MRI in four weeks to verify what the “nodule” is. Unfortunately, I’m getting my next MRI in four weeks.

This isn’t the first time a new uncertain “nodule” has shown up. Sometimes it’s ended up being nothing but radiation damage or treatment effects on the MRI. Three times the spot of concern ended up being recurrence of the GBM.

Regardless of whether you get good or bad MRI news it always comes with the affliction of waiting between one MRI to the next. Whether it’s waiting four months or one month, the waiting can bring anguish.

I’ve realized, for me personally, that the burden of waiting from MRI to MRI is like a thorn in my side that is never removed. Sometimes, with bad or questionable MRI news, the thorn is twisted and pressed in deeper and harder dropping me to my knees.

I can (and have) responded to the waiting thorn in different ways. I have curled up in a ball only thinking about the emotional and physical pain the waiting thorn brings or what the next MRI will show. Or have panicked with anxiety, searching for what the next plan will be if the next MRI confirms it’s the GBM back. Or have gotten worn out, not sure if I had the energy to go on. Or have gotten angry, seething for the brain tumor fight.

Over the twelve years, I’ve learned that I get to choose how I will respond to the MRI waiting thorn. How I choose to respond greatly effects my life. I not only want to live, but want to “love to live”, life filled with peace, joy and hope! For me, I’ve realized that the only way I can respond to the waiting thorn that uplifts me, is with patience and perseverance. Patience is the ability to endure waiting without becoming annoyed or upset, or to persevere calmly when faced with difficulties. Through responding with patients and perseverance, I am able to I hit my goal of “loving to live” that comes with peace, joy and hope!

So during my 4 weeks waiting for my next brain MRI on Jan 16th 2013; I want to “love to live” and choose to respond to my waiting thorn with patience and perseverance!!! I choose not to get caught up in emotional pain, anxiety, depression or anger.